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The current year marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {