The Phrases given by A Parent Which Rescued Us during my time as a New Father

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - spending a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."